Aaaaaaaand The Winner IIIIIIIIs

We had lots of good entries for our E3 contest, folks. People journeyed from all across the internet tubes for a chance to win the fabled lost treasure of 20 bucks in the point/system of their choice. But there can only be one winner! Before we actually get to announcing who that is, we’re going to post some of the best predictions that came out of the contest:

Natal will be so accurate it will be able to detect erections. On a related note, a remake of Custer’s Revenge is announced.

Nintendo 3DS is really works without 3D Glasses! First game announced is Magic Eye!

Micheal Bay announces new game he is producing, BOOM, which involves humongous explosions, epic car chases, multiple CG monsters climbing buildings with no pesky plot to worry about!

The 3DS will also receive its official name. From now on it will be called the Virtual Boy Color.

Nintendo will release *another* DS, with even less features. Now it doesn’t even have a DS cartridge slot, just a hole that says Put money here.

Tetsuya Nomura during an interview I don’t know what a coocon pulse fal’cie sanctum l’cie is either

Vin Diesel will announce a surprise partnership between his Tigon Studios and Silicon Knights. The game will be called 2 Human 2 Furious.

But the undeniable god of all funny bones…that is to say, the unrefutable winner of our contest….who is it? Click on past the jump to see if it was you!

Many people tickled my funny bone, yes, but there was only one person that can be awarded the prize. And that person is CHRIS SOMMER! Yes, you, Chris Sommer. You were the funniest of them all. What won you the prize? Why, the following hilarious predictions did, good sir:

1. In an attempt to reach out to those who purchased the PSPGo, Sony reveals a new service wherein representatives follow owners around hurling insults and physical abuse upon the customer to show their appreciation of the user-base. Owners point out that at least Sony is paying attention to them, but are then told they are stupid and to shut-up.

2. Nintendo reveals the 3DS, and within five minutes announces the 3DSLite. After a moment of quite reflection the announcer then orders the booth security to just manually rob each attendee and threaten the families if anyone thinks of saying a word about what happened.

3. In an effort to stay current with gaming, the new iPad3D is announced. That’s it, the iPad alone is a joke, so I don’t feel a need to elaborate on this front.

4. Details emerge on the new Call of Duty. The PC version will simply play a randomly selected Steven Seagal movie anytime someone connects to a dedicated multiplayer server. Internet rejoices over dedicated servers being included.

5. Valve announces the impending release of Steam for the iPhone and the Commodore 64. When questioned on PS3 support, a statement is issued that the PS3 needs to be more like the noble mantis, and less like the vole. With further questioning it is revealed they simply lost the development PS3 system and were too embarrassed to ask for another.

6. Microsoft announces Monopoly Live, wherein users can have avatars traverse a board and attempt to bankrupt other players. Players use Microsoft points in place of monopoly money and continue on unaware of any irony in the area.

7. While showing off the new Sonic game, the developer experiences a mental break and begins to rave that the game needs more superfluous characters and more cut-scenes until he is subdued and dragged off stage. Apologies are issued and it is explained that the reeducation camps are not perfect and sometimes people slip. Capcom then runs on stage and announces a new 3D Megaman RPG to be released in 127 installments of DLC.

8. Valve, in a huge surprise, announces that Episode 3 will be revealed later that night. The press, well aware of Valve Time, wait for days as the developers at Valve have their way with their respective wives and husbands and rob them blind. When the news finally breaks no one notices, as the latest TF2 update dropped and everyone is too busy going for the new hats. Everyone is very upset that they fell for this for a third time.

9. Blizzard reveals that Nintendo will be handling Starcraft 2s online features. Attendees find their friend code in the swag bags and are encouraged to use the included phrase book to trade codes with friends. The lack of LAN support is all but forgotten and everyone at Blizzard shares a high-five that ends with a freeze frame and sweet’ 80′s music.

10. Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft jointly reveal their new TV show – Flailing Gamers and Broken Dreams. Featuring hidden camera footage from all respective motion based game accessories. The gaming world soon learns to read those stupid EULA agreements more fully, but agree that Bob Saget makes a wonderful host to videos of them looking stupid.

Thanks to everyone that entered our contest! We will be in contact with the winner as soon as possible.

One Comment

  1. Chris