CBS Sports Doesn't take Kindly to Professional Gaming

Earlier this week, IGN teamed up with Utah Jazz player, Gordon Hayward, to release a humorous video that he’d be spending the ongoing NBA lockout as a professional Starcraft 2 player in order to promote his appearance and participation at next month’s IPL tournament in Atlantic City. The announcement was a fun PR stunt that was humorous in nature, clearly mocking the LeBron debacle earlier this year, but various news sources reported it as a legitimate change in professions. No harm done though, right? Unless you’re CBS Sports, that is. Then you openly bash the player because of his hobbies and mock the gaming community for believing anything they do requires the smallest modicum of skill. Lets ignore the fact that one, Ben Golliver, is seemingly incapable of spending 5 minutes to fact check his story before posting such slander. Nay, lets instead focus on what he had to say about the idea of this individual playing Starcraft 2 professionally:

“Reeeee-orrrrr. Reeeeee-orrrrrr. Yes, that’s the sound of your nerd alert being activated. It is a good thing Hayward waited until after Jerry Sloan retired to announce these plans. For everyone’s sake.”

Classy.

Good thing Jerry Sloan retired earlier this year though, right? Because God forbid one of the greats have to witness such a tragic downfall in the world of professional sports. I mean, c’mon. Gaming? The kid might as well be turning tricks on the corner, amirite? But the fun doesn’t end there. When Hayward went on to comment about the similarities between a real sports and virtual ones, it was too much for Mr. Golliver to handle. He fired back:

“…we have officially reached the point where we know for a 100 percent fact that the NBA is too soft. When a 21-year-old, 207 pound forward doesn’t immediately recoil in horror when asked to compare the stress and rigors of the NBA to a freaking science fiction video game we know that the NBA game has been cleaned up too much.  If a Zerg attack really gets his blood pumping as much as a game-winning shot, that’s a terrible look. We don’t want to live in a world where this can be true, do we?”

Ya hear that, pansies? If you can genuinely compare a pathetic little computer game to the likes of basketball, then we are truly in dire straits. Never mind the fact that your body can’t physically tell the difference between types of stressful situations, or the fact that winning provides you with the same euphoric boost in happiness provided you place the same importance on what’s been won. What is this, Jeopardy!? He doesn’t need your damn facts to make his baseless assertions. How dare someone make such comparisons to begin with. He doesn’t even want to live in a world where that’s possible. But wait! He’s not finished yet:

“I guarantee that no NBA player in the 1990s ever said, ‘That karate chop from Ryu was pretty much the same as the haymaker Charles Oakley hit me with last night.’ Or, ‘Oh man, jumping off that hill in Excite Bike was so exhilarating it reminded me of the time Jeff Van Gundy prevented further chaos by clinging to Alonzo Mourning’s leg.’ Never happened.”

Ahhh. The straw man. The cornerstone of any well reasoned argument. I’m sure Mr. Golliver would have had more to say on the subject, but he probably had more important matters to take care of. Like beating up nerds and giving them swirlies in the bathroom. That’ll learn ’em.

‘Via CBS Sports‘